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oopsies -- poetry by isabella fiore

my laptop has so many tabs

open i think it may experience

the same mental breakdown that

plagued me twenty hours ago.

i sat at my desk wrapped like

a burrito in a fluffy blanket and

surfed tumblr for three hours.

today i considered scalding my

skin with carrot cake loose leaf

tea so i could feel something.

i settled for cleaning out my inbox

and sending passive aggressive

emails with just enough professionalism

to pass them off as friendly and not


none of this is my idea of fun.

i have not written in weeks because

i have not felt like my voice is worth

hearing. i have even stopped talking

to myself. my old therapist would call

that cured; the only sound in my head is

the self-destructive mantras that

bounce around like babies in a foam pit.

so maybe i am not better. i tell myself

that i am growing up and growing

out of mental illness and maybe

by this time next year the mere thought

of spotify advertisements won’t make

me want to end it all. then my insomnia

pulls me by the scruff of my neck (much

like how my sister handles our cat) and

reminds me i am the same girl i was

yesterday. by that it means overtired

and understimulated and losing my

fucking mind.

i read audre lorde recently and it

changed my life. i say this with a hint

of melodrama but truly reading a queer

woman who is neither butch or femme

living her life gives me a sliver of hope

that i too will survive. at the end

she ends up single and lost but honey

that is simply the means to an end.

collateral damage in this lifetime travelling

to the next.

i struggle to spell catharsis but i think that

is when you feel as though you have

been swimming for hours and are just

wet and wrinkly and tired. like your bed

could not be close enough except i am

feeling this at 3:34pm on a thursday afternoon

and i think this is a depressive episode.



isabella fiore is a writer who chronicles her experiences through love, sadness, and figuring out what it means to be a queer "woman" in her world. her publications include Cathartic Lit Magazine and TEEN-ZINE. when she is not writing, isabella can be found baking, napping, or wrapping herself in a blanket like a burrito.

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