devotion: the weight we carry home — Inaya Zehra
1.
papa tames his garden whenever he’s too tired to speak.
the loose petals from chrysanthemums lay on the pavement,
decorating the pathway as if intentional.
roses
roses
roses
roses on the grave.
2.
my grandmother loved jasmines. i discovered tradition
when i saw a candle with that label, purchased by my mother.
once, i held a bouquet of them close to her navel where my existence began,
because there is nothing more holy than hearing a heartbeat.
there is nothing that is greater than life.
3.
my mother takes pride in the lengths of her hair.
some call this passion cultural, but all it is, is death on her shoulder.
she holds onto the strands the way i hold onto grief.
she’d use a sprig of rosemary to let it grow,
but death lacks remedies.
4.
whenever i felt unwell, i’d place my trust into dado’s palms,
each crease telling a lifetime of her story.
i crave the warmth of those same hands where i transferred my worries,
whenever illness made me small.
she loved to cook. i still try to recreate her recipes, but they never tasted the same.
something was missing: she was the love.
now, instead of burning cumin, i burn red chillis to ward off nazar.
spirals of pungent smoke
chase the wind.
they go out of windows,
chasing spirits.
to me, that felt like enough.
she told me: no matter how many times my knees plant the ground for mercy,
life won’t wash away your sins.
that is when i realized what devotion really meant.
dado taught me that Allah will always forgive, but never humanity.
i hold those words like how she held her tasbih,
faith running through her blood,
the beads slipping through her fingers, but never lost.
Inaya Zehra is a sophomore at the Kinder High School for the Performing and Visual Arts where she majors in creative writing. Her work has been recognized by the Scholastic Art & Writing Awards, and she intends to partake in Iowa’s Young Writers’ Studio this Summer. When she’s not writing, she enjoys admiring museums and drawing, as well as exploring the crossroads of fashion and heritage. Her favorite authors include Tarfia Faizullah and Amy Tan.