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i am sick -- poetry by Tejal Doshi

i am sick

of cutting away pieces

of me that don't fit their mold

of sewing on fabric over patches that

are too ugly

or too honest

of placing two buttons over my cracked lips

binding them with thread

poking the needle through

the pink flesh

through which i've said too much

of me


i am sick

of peering into

my finger-stained mirror

see that new zit

that makes my face

not pretty

because now their eyes will snag

not in envy but in

disgust

of me


i am sick

of vomiting laughter

over their jokes

the ones that are not funny at all

and i am sick

of dribbling the same filthy words out

of my poisoned mouth

to hear them laugh

to hear them cheer

me

of me


oh i am sick

of slicing my flesh open

of wearing heavy bracelets over

my broken wrists

of wanting to

kiss them

kill them

be them

of fading into a self-made doll

coated in lipstick and pretty glitter

of me


i am sick

of saying "oh i don't care"

caring desperately stupidly uselessly

of having to bury

my living corpse under layers of dirt

over and over


and the buttons on my lips

fall out in my sleep

blood drips on my tongue

mine


fire rekindles

too hot too wild too red and bright

and just the way

i like it


this is

me



Tejal Doshi is an ambitious and dreamy 14-year-old living in India. Passionate about writing, she is always penning down ideas, stories, poems, and deep thoughts on random scraps of paper, or her very disorganized notepad. She enjoys reading, journaling, listening to music, procrastinating, daydreaming, obsessing over her newest interest, and procrastinating. Tejal has published a book called The Lost City and is a writer on Voice.club. As someone who wants to fight for the causes that are important to her, Tejal hopes to inspire and make a difference with her writing.

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