make no mistake & bury my half
devoured body under the tree we picked to murder next to interstate 71 i take to board airbus 320 to visit my sleepless
hometown half world away in south asia not pakistan my body will
rot here decompose here please take vigil my ghost will
walk through my sorrow my night shadows will
rise from paintings i will make on the cupboard side wall
i promised not to destroy in 2007 my eyes will
swell with tortured desire & i will lay next to oshiwara river
stuck on the riverbank like a barnacle
withering like post war kingdom &
extinguished like assassinated fire
my wicket is down my throat will
turn sour as oxidized apples will
cut my esophagus prepared by my uninspired mother who will
cave to the head of the household i will
take great care of the snake plant wilting carelessly on the maroon balcony i once thought of skydiving from
how squandered is my youth how forbidden is warmth frozen in my artisan hands how vicious is moon that purloins my sacred beauty how foreign is my family how lost was i how lost am i how lost will i be
i am amphibian half death half life
i am powerfully powerless imprisoned in dreams of self colonization
i paint white on canvas and declare it has faithfully changed
i wound my spirit my bone almost everyday
i proclaim i can build sandcastles on shivering glaciers & tame tsunamis on deserts
i say narcissus would accuse me of being captured in a tomb of vain
but there is one thing you should know you ought to know
i fear the MidWest i defect the MidWest i hate the MidWest
midwest i am afraid of what you know
the weed i smoked next to the statue of a hybrid animal
the 10% poisoned drink
the hypothermia infections
the kisses that entered my mouth in november the 20% poisoned drink
the money i gambled on love
the affair with the pastor
& the urdu poet
the time time was distance
the 40% poisoned drink
the chameleonness i succumbed to in ambered september
the music of rain
& the rain of music
my godly taste my godless touch
my secret keeper kindly keep my name nameless my face faceless
i am a reckless artifact between every legend i speak & misspeak i am a shipwrecked beauty of demolition
keep my fear hostage MidWest this is not funny business this is my life this is my life please reason with me please
i beg you next to the tree we picked to murder this story
Arush Desai is a writer who has been previously published in Cathartic Youth Literary Magazine and Short Vine Journal. He finds inspiration in everything: quantum physics, history, flowers, Lana Del Rey or his hometown, Mumbai.